Ministry

So many times we say that people need Jesus in their lives, but what that means? Today I was actually teaching an old lady on the bus how to fight for the right thing to happen! Our conversation had some turn and tears showed up in her eyes when she started to speak that she struggles financially to have enough food on her table. Holy Spirit convicted me in my heart of my pride, of my tendency to be "know-it-all" girl. I was humbled.
 People complain about different sorts of things, mostly starting and ending up in blaming government for not doing something for us, for not caring about our daily lives or not having idea about what struggles we are facing day after day. But it all comes down to that fact that we need someone to be around to help with our struggles, we need each other - not the government. The question popped up in my mind: "Do I know what people around me actually need or am I simply seeing everyone as sinful heathens and judging them for not knowing Jesus?" Am I a Pharisee or the follower and disciple of Jesus?
Ministry. What does it actually mean to minister, to be a follower of Jesus, to be His disciple? Is it just talking about how one needs God and He will help one in some supernatural way, like bringing manna from the sky? Today, I have that sneaky feeling in my heart that we just got it all wrong: we talk to much and do too little. It needs to be put in the right places: we need to do more and to talk less. We need to learn to listen and to see. We need to actually start to give our lives as a living sacrifice for those in need. We need to stop being super spiritual, and get down to earth and see what we need to do for those around us because true Christianity lies in living your faith not in a prayer room (there is a place and time for spiritual disciplines in our lives), but out there in a world where we are called to be the salt and the light. God has given us everything we need. God IS everything we need: He is our perfect parent who adopted us through Jesus, He is our perfect Lover who fullfils our emotional needs, He is our perfect Boss who has it all under control. We are in a wonderful company of trust and comfort, and support, and provision when we are with Him and in Him. But... we need to be out there working with Him in the lives of people who don't know His love. And we have to do this not through talking, but through doing, through meeting the needs of those around us: financial, material, emotional or spiritual. To do that we need to start looking around, and communicating with people, hearing them.
Start small.
Don't look far.
Start from your own house, your neighbours.
Look around.
Notice.
Pray.
Go.
Be simple and loving.
And may God of all grace be with you.

A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool's eyes wander to the ends of the earth. 

(Proverbs 17:24)

One up - one down..

Sometimes, no matter, how good and wonderful was the day, one drop of uncertaintity or change, or the look thrown by another person towards you, makes it all vanish. Suddenly, you go from one up to one down. Sometimes you go two down. The interesting thing is that you don't even notice the moment when that bad mood comes in. Like now: just a few moments everything seemed fine and quite up, but now my energy went somewhere, thoughts of inferiority are sneaking in, and trying to steal my strength, my motivation, my... I don't know... It's so interesting and, I guess, people who are not watchful, they fell into various kinds and forms of self-pity, depression, guilt-circles and stuff like that in a moment. Now, when I have noticed that my mood is gone somewhere, I have to fight not to give in. Usually, I do give in, but today I don't want to. I'm fascinated how God has changed my heart. I did nothing, well, nothing special to fill myself of constant repeating of some mantras that I feel good, nothing affects me or sort of. I'm surprised myself that it's so different now. And when you do nothing about your usual self, you start asking questions how did this happened. Does maturity comes without any inner efforts? I don't think so. People who do not analyze themselves they don't notice, they just react. You cannot get mature if you don't know what's going on inside of you, because maturity always encompasses evaluation of what is on the spot and what you want to change. It's like goal setting for your inner life - what you want to become. And I know for sure that in the evening of the 20th of August something happened. It's like God has clicked the light in one of the rooms. Just I haven't yet figured out which one it is, cause I have no idea where it is!!! It's so weird not to know your own house, how many rooms you have in it. I guess, it's the room of self-pity or jealousy and envy, but in what part of my soul-house it was, I have no idea...
Thus, conclusion is this: God knows what He is healing. You just observe the process even if you don't know what's going on (like now when I'm writing all this). You just embrase His divine actions and let Him do what He does best - cleans and heals in you stuff that is necessary to take care of.
I'm sorry for the scaterred thoughts...

Embracing embarrassing blessings

Yesterday (which started around 1,5 hours ago) I was reminded of a sermon that I hear on my way home from the camp two night before. Since then I almost became a fan of Dick Foth:) Actually, it was only the part of the sermon which made me laugh into tears. But it was so heart-piercing. I remember two points that he made: 1, that miracles happen in the desert, and the 2nd was awkward thanking "Thank you, God, for embarrassing me with your blessings." The first one was at some point just a reminder of what I already knew, just to strengthen me. But the 2nd... Oh, it was a mind blowing eye-opener for me! Dick told a story how he and his wife Ruth had to stay at a train station in Hungary. They were told that their visas were not OK, and they couldn't leave Hungary. And they had only 3 USD in the pocket. What you do in this kind of situation? You are left with nothing else but prayer. That's what they did, starting with this thanksgiving spiced a little bit with irony, "Thank you, Lord, for embarrassing us with Your blessings". And no matter, how sarcastic that sounds, it actually talks about being thankful for whatever situation in your life. Today I had my embarrassing blessing. I went to my friend's band performance at one club wearing a long white skirt. And at one point when I was coming back from the ladies' room a guy just poured out his beer on me!!! On my white skirt!! Oh, I smelled, and it was really embarrasing and I felt at some point outraged. And my skirt got these big stains all over it. I thought it will dry out and nothing will be seen. Dream of it! They were yellish (not sure if there's sch a word in English:)) Not very visible, but still I know that they were there. Then, other things happened, and I felt down... No good mood. It's really interesting how quickly it disapears...
So... Did I embraced this embarrasing situation? DO YOU embrace the moments of your life you would better like to turn back in time and push the erase button? Sometimes I as a minister want not to see what is wrong in me and my ministry: my flaws of character, my mistakes (I tend to rationalize, and minimize them). I mean, I'm a minister. I should be an example. I have to be perfect. But I'm not. Things should go smooth for me. But sometimes they are not. My pride is challenged by God, because He looks for humble servants and obedient children. Not grown-ups who know how to do stuff. I don't know about the others, but God definitely puts me into situations where I look stupid when I' rebellious or when I think I know things and solutions... He embarrases me, and not with a purpose to humiliate me, but rather to show me who's the Boss, to help me grow in faith. I love to understand that over and over. And Holy Spirit always reminds me in these moments the embarrasment that Jesus was exposed to when being at the court and being nailed on the cross. People expected Him to be strong and He got some harsh words towards him. It's a terrible feeling, but what can you say... People are cruel, they don't see into your heart, and don't know God's ways for you. I remember King David saying to God when He had to choose the punishment that he would better choose God's hand to punish him rather than people's, because God is mercyful and has compassion. And these embarrasing moments in believers' lives are precious when they are from God. You can thank Him, embrace them, and prepare for something extraodinary to happen. I think I'm off for a new adventure of facing the embarrasing moments in my life, laughing at them, praying over them and making them a part of the wondeful life with Jesus.

Encouragement from Bobbie Houston

The little satin eye-shade number says DO NOT DISTURB, WORLD CHANGER AT REST!!

I love the thought of us ALL being WORLD CHANGERS!!

I love the thought that God considered us ALL unique & special enough to plant us at such a crazy/wonderful time in history.

I love the thought that in doing so, He would have invested unique gift and measure within ALL of us so that we could fulfil that planting.

I love that He is no respecter of persons and invites us all.

I love that He will use any willing heart that is, well, willing.

I love that we don't have to impress Him,

I love that we can come as we are,

I love that He specializes in people who think they are pathetic, but really aren't.

I love that He is gentle and patient and persistent in shaping us into what He knows we can become.

I love that He is not freaked out at the state of the world,

I love that He is calm,

I love that He has a plan,

I love that He considers us capable to carry His heart and make a difference.

I love that He can take the likes of you and I and make us ALL WORLD CHANGERS IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

I love that no one is excluded and that we each have an individually distinct world to focus on friends, family, workmates, street, church, community and all those beautiful strangers who so often slide across our paths unseen, unnoticed.

... there's a world to love,

a world to influence,

a world to pray for.

Don't diminish your part,

don't stress over how it will all pan out and …

don't wonder how and where to find the Will of God.

Rest in His love,

rest in His providence,

rest in His promise,

be faithful with what is important and non-negotiable in His Word,

find a need,

make a stand,

put your hand up,

stay at your post and, trust me, the rest will take care of itself.

So why a pretty satin eyeshade with DO NOT DISTURB, WORLD CHANGER AT REST?

Because all world changers need reminders...

rest in His grace,

rest in His enabling,

rest in His Spirit,

rest that He is well able to complete what He has begun.

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit," says our God.
Our strength can carry us so far, but His Strength will carry us all the way... and then BEYOND what we could ever hope or imagine.

Desert

Sometimes I feel like being in the desert together with Israelites: it seems that I am going in circles and am not able to get out out of the sandy space... A lot of temptation to start to murmur, no sight of what's ahead. The only thing I can actually hold on is just the promises of God and faith that He is faithful and will keep you even if everything around says, "Dear, it's going to ruins... It's not working". Actually, it's not just saying, it's the SCREAMING and sometimes laughing. The enemy is watching when you will breakdown, and he is able to sting you one more time, and maybe this time with deadly sting. No wonder that it is writen that our enemy is walking around like lion watching when it could snatch us.... The good thing is that this desert is lasting only for 3 months:), and during these months there were some refreshing points in it...

Your hand is leading me to places I don't know.
It seems so dark in here
no air to breathe
no light to see...
But you are leading me through safety path.

"Hold on to me", - You say,
"And trust that I will take
to places of abundance and of joy.
Your soul will rest in there
and dance in joyful peace.
Believe me, I won't leave
cause you're my dear one."

Invisible power

Lately, God gives me very valuable lessons about relationships. I'm not sure if I have already understood everything. Actually, I don't think so... I learned one thing that there is still a lot to learn. God has built up a great foundation in the very heart of mine during 5 years of my Christian walk, and now He starts working on my relationships with people, on how I talk, express opinion, relate to people, show my love to them. Well, He started that at the beginning of the year actually. Suddenly I find myself as a baby who kind of knows how to walk, but stumbles a lot with her first steps on her own feet. When you become a Christian, sometimes you can start feeling so powerful like Bruce: playing tricks with the soup, lady's skirt, changing mannequin's clothes, etc. It seems that you have power over everything and you have all the answers. And you scream out of the top of your lungs like Jack in "Titanic", "I am the winner of the world!!!"... And then you crash...

I am fascinated about Jesus. When I read all the stories about Him, I am just amazed how much power there can be when you give it up. All the Gospels are soaked in the message that the power Jesus was acting on does not come from Him, that He is not doing anything for His own glory, for His own benefit, etc. It is all for the glory of the Father. And He is the Son of God!!! That is so overwhelming! Everyone kind of knew who He was - Jesus of Nazareth, son of Joseph. That is so creative - to put the biggest treasure for humanity not into a golden cup or a window! I've been just reminded of a movie NATIVITY STORY, particularly one place when Herod gives orders to look for a wealthy man, a man of power, whom people will follow, on the road to Bethlehem, and here comes Joseph with pregnant Mary, and after a little search they let them go saying "It's not him." I laughed. It's like being rich, but not showing off and living a decent and peaceful life with simple people, trying to employ your money for a greater purpose - helping those in need. I know I've seen some movie on that as well, but can't remember now... At some point, all this associate with Aragorn and Frodo from "The Lord of the Rings", too.

There is a man whom I don't know much about. When we first met, he seemed very nice, everyday guy, and didn't look like a mighty one:) But when I got to know him closer and got to talk to him on several occasions, I felt that this is a very special man, who has the power. Inner power. And being of the same height with him, I suddenly felt so small and unimportant. One moment I thought, "What am I doing here? I'm nothing..." Of course, this is not true, because , first, every one of us is important and valuable in the eyes of God. That reaction of mine came out just because so many people have told me that I am so cool and strong that I started to believe it to be true. Everyone likes to feel cool:) It is a great feeling! But in this world, one could be cool for one day, and the other he might loose his power and coolness. A thought about Saul and David crossed my mind. A reminder of Boromir ("The Lord of the Rings"). When you feel powerful, when you think you possess something (money, knowledge, contacts, etc.), it is so easy to fall into pridefulness and it is so difficult to get out of it... When you expose your power, people might get fascinated about you for some time, respectful, maybe get fearful about you, but will they follow you to the death? I don't know... Speaking from the point of view of a woman, I would say so: I don't think that any woman would be happy with a bossy husband who do not show love to her and looks at her as an object for keeping house clean and ministring him in bed, and there would be no woman who would mind having a caring and loving husband who maybe is not something in the outer world, but values her. There is something very special about the power of love, inscribed in our hearts, especially if it's written with the blood of Jesus. You can not touch it or smell it or see it, but you can always feel it. And sooner or later this power gives fruits: heals the wounds, opens the eyes, restores joy, peace and happiness to your life. Power which no one can see...

How to ruin God's perfect plan...

- by not being sensitive to His voice, trying to warn you of the consequences...
- by dreaming and not stopping doing that on time
- simply by focusing and persisting on what you think is true rather than giving everything into His mighty hands...

It's all about the girls stuff. Sometimes I am thinking how much young girls strive for love, affection and acceptance that they grab whatever comes along their way. It can be so disastrous not only for the young hearts, but also for those already with some experience. If not lucky, we either close up and hide everything in our little, vulnerable hearts, or just blow it all to all into whatever... Not sure if that would be the description, but the point is that after some tries we come to some sort of conclusion which in many cases are not constructive and objective. Unless we come to Daddy who cares and sees all very clearly. But sometimes it is so hard to accept His support and embrace, and His "I will take care of it. I know what to do". Sometimes we strive for human love and acceptance which in many cases go vain when He is always here for us. Open arms, caring heart, loving affection. And I mean ALWAYS. Somehow the warning of "do not arouse or awaken love until it desires" passes by unnoticed. Like in "Bruce Almighty" we do not notice when God is speaking and trying to take care of us, because we are so focused on our own understanding of things and processes in our live and in life of others. We think we know, but the only thing that we really know is what is in the past, we know the experience of others, and we know movies and TV shows... And we know that our hearts hurt. So often we let these love dreams so deep into our hearts that they actually start killing us. We let that shiny dagger offered by our biggest enemy to pierce our hearts willingly. And then we bleed, and sometimes die of despair and hopelessness. And our Daddy sits right beside full of words of comfort in His lips and ready to step in if... we only ask.
I thought I have ruined God's plan. But thanks to Him, the dagger only scratched the surface of my heart. Still, I am bleeding because the wound is still fresh and sore. I hate it, but my Daddy is telling me that I had a lesson. " How long am I gonna learn this stuff over and over", - a thought crossed my mind. "Well, it depends on you, my dear", - He said (it's amazing that you don't even have to tell anything, He just reads it in your head:)). - "I told you what is best for you, I shared my plan for you, and the only thing you had to do was to let me do the stuff. You did really great at the beginning," - said He while bandaging my wounds, "But you yourself ran into that mess. I told you not to worry.... Anyway, now everything is over. Things are back to normal. I am very proud that you did listen to me the other day. Don't worry, he is not gonna run away:) I have my own timing. Just trust me." I love Him. God is so awesome, He loves us as we are, He teaches us for our best, and... He lets us do mistakes as well. Whatever happens though, He is always there with open arms to embrace us when we come running back to Him, or catches us when we already falling, but remember Him. And it is not only about guys. It's about all sorts of things passing through our lives... He is awesome! Love you, Dad:*

Winning and losing

Battles are always an ugly stuff. We try to avoid it, but either we want that or not, we are always in the battle field called LIFE OR DEATH. I'm not talking about physical death or existence in biological form. I am always reminded of Jesus' words that He will give us life abundantly. What did He mean? Nikodemus also had this question when Jesus said that a man has to be born again. It all refers to the terminology of Heaven. You have to choose either Life or Death, Heaven or Hell, Jesus or Satan. I mean that you are choosing anyway, because if you are not choosing Life, you are choosing to die... Spiritually. If you are not choosing Jesus, you are kind of saying "yes" to Satan. I have noticed that human being cannot be just by himself or herself. He (or she) is always in someone's hands. I guess, attempts to find meaning of life, a huge variety of religions is kind of indicator that we know that we do not fully own our lives. But there is the only one who said, "I am the Truth, the Way, and the Life". No one else dared:) They might have said that "if you live by my teaching you will find life", but Jesus said that HE himself is LIFE. And He also said, that those who choose to follow Him will have life abundantly. That is the most difficult part for many people, even Christians. It is not so difficult to live according to the law of God at some point. But to follow Jesus is like to choose to disown your own opinion, judgements, and understanding. It is not about not having opportunity or right (that is a very popular word nowadays) to choose. This amazes me the most that God is never taking this from us - the right to decide with whom to stay, whom to follow. Today I am discovering that I am choosing to follow Christ with complete submission of my will to God's will because I have seen and experienced that everything He is doing in my life is good for me and others. I give up my will for His will willingly. That is the craziest thing ever for anyone to understand... And I know that no one will understand the fact that I am giving up opportunity to go for a job in my favorite city in Europe. It is really not easy to give up this opportunity but I feel liberated when I choose this way, when I choose to stay in my country to be God's vessel for the people of my country. That doesn't mean that I will become someone here, but I will stay in peace. I know that someone will definitely say that I am an idiot, but... I feel free. Sometimes when you loose, you win...

Following God

It is such an amasing experience to live out uncertainty... When you have no idea where you will go, or what you will do. Thousands of plans, ideas, offers cross you mind everyday. Doubts as well... The flesh is so strong in trying to get you back from your decisions to follow the Lord, to do His will. These are the cases when your faith is tested in fire and water. These are the moments when you really feel that you have to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, on God's promises. And... God is answering your prayers in doubt. He strengthens you with His word and reminder through the Holy Spirit who speaks either directly to you or through brothers and sisters in Christ whom you don'e even know sometimes. I love this:) These are the moments when I worship my Lord with a joyful heart full of hope and knowing that He will not let me be ashamed.

Here is a little reflection on obeying God from www.crosswalk.com

Peter was a professional fisherman. He knew how to gauge weather conditions, where to find the best places to fish, and when to end an unproductive night. Because of his expertise, he may have silently questioned the reasonableness of Jesus' instruction. Why let down the nets when an experienced team of fishermen hadn't caught anything all night?
Sometimes God asks His children to act in ways that appear unreasonable. His request might involve leaving a job or ministry that He provided only recently, taking on more responsibility when life already feels overloaded, or accepting an assignment that seems better suited for someone with a different skill set. Perhaps God's plan makes no sense in view of age, financial situation, or health condition. Yet, because of the One who asks, it will be the absolutely right thing to do. We have to decide whether to do what is sensible by human standards or to obey God.
The Bible talks about many people who had to make such a choice. Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son Isaac. Noah was told to build an ark on dry land because a flood was coming. Joshua was given a military strategy of marching around Jericho instead of attacking it (Joshua 6:2-5). Gideon, the inexperienced fighter, was told to send most of his warriors home before the battle (Judges 7:2-3). They all obeyed and experienced God's power released on their behalf.
Don't let human logic dictate whether you follow God's plan. Trust in Him as Peter and these other faithful believers did

Unworthy of grace?

A friend of mine wrote me quite a desperate letter about his difficulty to communicate with God. God really knows how I understand him, because I have been into the same situation, into that despair of not being worthy of God’s love, and just wanted to share some thoughts that came out when writing him back.

We all are sinners, but we are saved by grace if we accept Jesus. Now it seems so simple, but back then it was so difficult to understand HOW (!!!) someone can accept you with all the dirt you have in yourself! I couldn’t accept myself like that, I tried to EXPLAIN, find arguments, just to make myself righteous in MY eyes. This sounds so stupid now, but then it sounded really reasonably. Why not? Otherwise, we feel so unworthy to go to see our Father in Heaven. What I wrote to that friend of mine was that recently God showed me, reminded me several important things:
- first, that it is all Satan’s attempts to draw us back from God though making us see our imperfections so big that we begin to think that we are not worthy to go to Heaven, and see God face to face.
- secondly, that the most amazing thing is that IT IS NOT FOR YOU TO DECIDE WHETHER YOU ARE WORTHY TO GO TO HEAVEN OR NOT :) It is not Satan that swallows us (my friend was asking a prayer not be swallowed by Satan), it is US who give up in trusting the everlasting love of God, it is us who listen to Satan's lies more that to God's promises. GOD made a promise that everyone who believes in His Son, will not see death, and will be saved. That is it. He cannot refuse from Himself... Do you understand this? He said, "I love you, Kristina, Michael, Sybile, etc. I love you so much, that I am going to die for you on the cross so that you can have free path through my blood for getting home, for getting where you actually belong". And He has done that. Dot. You cannot change it, you cannot change the past:) You have it just because God so loved you that "gave His beloved Son" for you, and He is not taking His word back. When God says something, it happens (Phil Dooley's words:)), and His word becomes flesh, becomes reality, because…
- thirdly, God never does anything that is not worth doing. Yes, you are worthy to go to hell because you are sinful. So am I, so is everyone on this earth, but YOU ARE WORTHY OF GOD'S LOVE BECAUSE GOD THINK IT IS TO BE LIKE THAT. If you hold on to Jesus, you are forgiven. Jesus has died for all your transgressions long before they happened. It happened despite the fact that He knew that it will happen. I am almost sure, I would never die for myself if I knew what kind of person I was, and how it will be difficult to get my heart right into position it is now. There would have be no hope for that. But God so loved the world despite all the evil things that are happening now, that He decided to redeem us, He decided to save the rest of the ones who will believe in Him and His word.
- fourth and very important thing is that I cannot talk any person into believing. It is very personal, and you have to go into this alone. It is very good when you have a support, but in many cases it happens like it happened to me – when I was completely alone in my little room. And you cannot help God to do change things of your life, except if it is opening the doors to Him. All the rest is His job, and He gladly takes it:) He is the only one who can clean up your drains from the filth that stinks to you. And He can do that to the extent that you would like to live there:)) That's when He helps you to love yourself for who you really are - the wonderful creation of His hands.

So often, Satan is just playing with your hard feelings, reminding all the things you've done wrong and keeping you pitting yourself, but God doesn't see any of these because of Jesus blood on the cross. You think you are not worthy of this kind of acceptance? Well, I will repeat what I have told you in the beginning IT IS NOT YOU WHO DECIDES ABOUT BEING WORTHY OR NOT. God decided that you are long time ago;) So, just enjoy your time in His fellowship;)