One up - one down..

Sometimes, no matter, how good and wonderful was the day, one drop of uncertaintity or change, or the look thrown by another person towards you, makes it all vanish. Suddenly, you go from one up to one down. Sometimes you go two down. The interesting thing is that you don't even notice the moment when that bad mood comes in. Like now: just a few moments everything seemed fine and quite up, but now my energy went somewhere, thoughts of inferiority are sneaking in, and trying to steal my strength, my motivation, my... I don't know... It's so interesting and, I guess, people who are not watchful, they fell into various kinds and forms of self-pity, depression, guilt-circles and stuff like that in a moment. Now, when I have noticed that my mood is gone somewhere, I have to fight not to give in. Usually, I do give in, but today I don't want to. I'm fascinated how God has changed my heart. I did nothing, well, nothing special to fill myself of constant repeating of some mantras that I feel good, nothing affects me or sort of. I'm surprised myself that it's so different now. And when you do nothing about your usual self, you start asking questions how did this happened. Does maturity comes without any inner efforts? I don't think so. People who do not analyze themselves they don't notice, they just react. You cannot get mature if you don't know what's going on inside of you, because maturity always encompasses evaluation of what is on the spot and what you want to change. It's like goal setting for your inner life - what you want to become. And I know for sure that in the evening of the 20th of August something happened. It's like God has clicked the light in one of the rooms. Just I haven't yet figured out which one it is, cause I have no idea where it is!!! It's so weird not to know your own house, how many rooms you have in it. I guess, it's the room of self-pity or jealousy and envy, but in what part of my soul-house it was, I have no idea...
Thus, conclusion is this: God knows what He is healing. You just observe the process even if you don't know what's going on (like now when I'm writing all this). You just embrase His divine actions and let Him do what He does best - cleans and heals in you stuff that is necessary to take care of.
I'm sorry for the scaterred thoughts...