Invisible power

Lately, God gives me very valuable lessons about relationships. I'm not sure if I have already understood everything. Actually, I don't think so... I learned one thing that there is still a lot to learn. God has built up a great foundation in the very heart of mine during 5 years of my Christian walk, and now He starts working on my relationships with people, on how I talk, express opinion, relate to people, show my love to them. Well, He started that at the beginning of the year actually. Suddenly I find myself as a baby who kind of knows how to walk, but stumbles a lot with her first steps on her own feet. When you become a Christian, sometimes you can start feeling so powerful like Bruce: playing tricks with the soup, lady's skirt, changing mannequin's clothes, etc. It seems that you have power over everything and you have all the answers. And you scream out of the top of your lungs like Jack in "Titanic", "I am the winner of the world!!!"... And then you crash...

I am fascinated about Jesus. When I read all the stories about Him, I am just amazed how much power there can be when you give it up. All the Gospels are soaked in the message that the power Jesus was acting on does not come from Him, that He is not doing anything for His own glory, for His own benefit, etc. It is all for the glory of the Father. And He is the Son of God!!! That is so overwhelming! Everyone kind of knew who He was - Jesus of Nazareth, son of Joseph. That is so creative - to put the biggest treasure for humanity not into a golden cup or a window! I've been just reminded of a movie NATIVITY STORY, particularly one place when Herod gives orders to look for a wealthy man, a man of power, whom people will follow, on the road to Bethlehem, and here comes Joseph with pregnant Mary, and after a little search they let them go saying "It's not him." I laughed. It's like being rich, but not showing off and living a decent and peaceful life with simple people, trying to employ your money for a greater purpose - helping those in need. I know I've seen some movie on that as well, but can't remember now... At some point, all this associate with Aragorn and Frodo from "The Lord of the Rings", too.

There is a man whom I don't know much about. When we first met, he seemed very nice, everyday guy, and didn't look like a mighty one:) But when I got to know him closer and got to talk to him on several occasions, I felt that this is a very special man, who has the power. Inner power. And being of the same height with him, I suddenly felt so small and unimportant. One moment I thought, "What am I doing here? I'm nothing..." Of course, this is not true, because , first, every one of us is important and valuable in the eyes of God. That reaction of mine came out just because so many people have told me that I am so cool and strong that I started to believe it to be true. Everyone likes to feel cool:) It is a great feeling! But in this world, one could be cool for one day, and the other he might loose his power and coolness. A thought about Saul and David crossed my mind. A reminder of Boromir ("The Lord of the Rings"). When you feel powerful, when you think you possess something (money, knowledge, contacts, etc.), it is so easy to fall into pridefulness and it is so difficult to get out of it... When you expose your power, people might get fascinated about you for some time, respectful, maybe get fearful about you, but will they follow you to the death? I don't know... Speaking from the point of view of a woman, I would say so: I don't think that any woman would be happy with a bossy husband who do not show love to her and looks at her as an object for keeping house clean and ministring him in bed, and there would be no woman who would mind having a caring and loving husband who maybe is not something in the outer world, but values her. There is something very special about the power of love, inscribed in our hearts, especially if it's written with the blood of Jesus. You can not touch it or smell it or see it, but you can always feel it. And sooner or later this power gives fruits: heals the wounds, opens the eyes, restores joy, peace and happiness to your life. Power which no one can see...

God's speaking: people, signs, and your heart

Sometimes I am asking myself, how come so many things supporting one main theme can come together. Sometimes it looks like someone wants to persuade me into choosing particular path, into some way of thinking or lifestyle, or job or whatever... I'm quite self-conscious, I mean, I think and analyze my feelings, decisions, arguments to be sure that I am not driven only by my emotions. Sometimes emotions are good:) But even in this field I am trying to be objective, even about myself. Sometimes it's the hell, because there are certain things in all of our lives that we want to be sure we choose the right thing. Otherwise, we know, that it would be a crush-down for us, a disaster. One of these things is finding your life-mate:) Another thing is about what you do in your life. Some people don't make such a fuss out of it. They have their profession, and they are happy to work in that field. Others are full of ideas in their heads, and running around with thousands of task to do. And I'm sure that there are some other sorts, I haven't investigated this phenomenon:) It seemed I knew what I want to do. I would dive into psychology, and might have become an average psyche-diver:) But then I met God. I got to know Him, and He taught me how think wider, and that "ruined" everything... I put "ruined" in quotation-marks because actually He put everything in order, just it is not recognizable for me. In 5 years, I got to understand that He knows me better than I do. One day, not so long ago, He asked me one question:
"Did you created yourself?"
Aaaah, nope... - I answered.
"So how can you know what is the best for you? You decide about this according to what other people choose, according to what you like or dislike, according to what you think you are capable of, according to what is popular and what the market offers. But neither market, not people, nor this society has created you? How can they know what you have to do? It is decided only by tradition, customs, etc. But it is not necessarily what I have planned for these people."
That made me think. People ask what is their purpose in this life. And it was like the light from heaven - their purpose is to live in agreement with God who has created all of us for different works through which glory goes to God. Many people don't like this thought. They want to glorify themselves. But I am not going too deep into it now... Recent 7 months have been a field of research, learning, anxiety, doubts, trials, etc. I was trying to understand why I was told (by God) that I am leaving that job. I was trying to work out different ideas, was looking for another job, and nothing. And then, in the midst of all this thinking and attempts to understand what's going on, one very persistent feeling was coming to the surface more and more each day - full time ministry. I asked God what I am to do, and got verses from the Bible... I wrote in some of my earlier posts about not wanting to accept what God is speaking, when you say: "Are you sure? I don't think so. It's not for me. Maybe I understood it not in a right way", etc. This was the time when, I would say, I didn't wanted to understand, when I didn't want to hear His answer. I remember the doors I entered a while ago... I was crying. I was was so scared. After a while God lead me to one person, and she encouraged me to go for it. On another day after we spoke, I went to church, and the word for that Sunday was about the calling. I was chuckling inside. I couldn't believe that it is actually happening. He, God, is trying to say something and quite clearly. Will I listen? If you remember, I wrote in the beginning that I try not to lean on my emotions when I make a decision. So, I tried to analyze the whole situation objectively... I couldn't find contra-arguments. I mean, I was saying all this stuff "I can't", "I don't know how to do it", "I will not be able", bla bla bla... I was afraid, and I have to say that I still am at some point, but... I love what Benny Hin wrote in his book "He Touched Me" as Lord's answer to this kind of arguments. God answered to His saying "Lord, I can't do this", "Good, then I will able to work". Maybe the quote is not completely the same, but the thought is that His power is in our weaknesses. That what apostal Paul was writing about. So... I am in labyrinth. I have no idea where the exit is, but I have the One who is leading me to it. The only thing I have to do - to trust Him. And I know He is the trustworthy. He already proved that to me. The question is - am I to trust His faithfulness shown?

Conversation...

- I failed again! What?! What am I doing wrongly?! - my heart cried.

Silence...

- Will You not tell me? - I looked up in the sky hoping to read something there...

- What did you do? - the question came up.

- Well, You gave me the topic, ideas, and I did it, - I answered.

- How you did it?

- ???

- Who did it?

- What You mean?! I thought it was Your idea!

- Yep, it was mine...

- So? What You mean?

- Did you consulted me how to do it?..

- Well... Kind of...

- You tried to impress them with your wisdome and coolness. You failed just because once again you took the stuff into your hands...

- But...

- I love you, I let you know what I want to do, but I want to do that my way, because as I've already told you whole lot of times that I know the best how to do it. You left me aside and got into your way of implementation.

- But I felt You stand beside me! Wasn't that You.

- Yes, I was, but did you listen to me?

- I don't get it...

- Remember March? I feel sad to feel you are getting away from me again... I want to be in your life not as occassional adviser or just as a generator of ideas for you to become famous and cool. I want my glory to fill your life for MY GLORY, because I won't ever share it with anyone! For I am God, the Creator of heavens and earth, who made all things, and who has given life to you. Write that in your heart, and never forget. I want to fill your life with my spirit, so that you could be free, and happy, and your life would have fullness. I want you to be who you are created for.

That was the end for me... He, God, wants to be in my life. He is not requiring from me to come in His house, to His presence. HE WANTS to be in my life. This is so awesome! Do you feel the difference?! It's not that He is trying to scare us to be in the fear of Him to be with Him. It is not what my God is saying. My God is saying, "I love you. I want to be with you, but if you don't want to be with me, I won't try to force you to do this. I just want you to know that it is better for you to be with me, but it is up to you to decide and choose. I want you to love me. And I know that I cannot force this love, because I want it to be genuine and real." HE WANTS to have relationship with me. HE LOVES me. HE RESPECTS me and IS NOT INTERFERRING with my free will. It is up to me to decide to stay with Him. He extends His hand through Jesus death on the cross, and this is such an exposure how He loves me. It is incredible! It is so difficult for people to believe it. It is such an illusion for many of us. But I choose to come to Him, and stay there, in His presence and full security. This conversation today turned me around to return to Him. We so easily let God's hand go from ours, and loose the track. Thanks God that He knows where I am, and COMES HIMSELF to look for me so that I could come back to the right path. He takes me seriously and thinks I AM WORTH of His attention.

Divine comfort

A few days ago I received a comment on my post in another blog. It is reposted below. It seems that it doesn't tell anything new, but for that evening it was something... Something for me who was falling into desperation about certain part of my life. I don't remember what I was about when I was writing that post (it was long time ago), but the answer was given to my current question ("Maybe I should do something myself?..). I burst to tears, and it was because of God's greatness, goodness, and care and love for me. He IS real, He IS answering the questions and need when YOU think everything is lost... I couldn't hold the joy and thank Him for every comforting word He gives me directly or through other people.

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ONE MAN'S TRASH IN ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE

The man that treats you like trash is ignorant of your worth and who he is and his role to you. He is not even worth you or your time. Let him go and let the man of God that God has molded (or may be still molding) just for you, find you. He will know your worth and treat you as such according to this wisdom. You will be a treasure to him.

God's Word says, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." (Proverbs 31:10-12)

What is a virtuous woman? Virtuous is defined (in the Encarta Dictionary) as:
1. with moral intergrity; having or showing goodness or righteousness
2. chaste; not having sexual intercourse with anyone except a partner in marriage, especially a husband (as Christians we know that it should ONLY be in marriage)

After reading this definition, can you attribute this adjective to yourself? If so, continue pleasing your Lord. If not, this is to be your aim as a Christian woman in mind, body and soul.

The Bible tells us, "Who so findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22) Y

OU are to be sought after. YOU are to be chased. YOU are to be found. Not vice versa. You sit still and seek God first. Is it easy waiting? NO! But what God has in store is so worth the wait. That's what I continually remind myself.

The Lord does not cast His pearls to swine. You are a pearl to the Lord. If you give Him your heart and set His destiny in your hands, He will not give you over to a man that does NOT FERVENTLY seek the heart of Christ and love the Lord. God is protective of His children and your heart. So don't settle for what the enemy puts in your way. If this man does not reflect Ephesians 5 (especially verse 25!) or aims to live that way, don't even bother. Be encouraged my sisters.