I wish you were here

Thinking. Remembering you. I wonder whether I will ever let you go from my mind. My heart doesn't seem so much tide up to you anymore, but your face, memories of you, you name are coming to my mind. I feel that time is coming when I have to say good-bye to you. I've asked for a sign, very specific one. And I promised my Father that if you are not where I asked to see you, I will leave you behind. I'm praying to see you where I will be in a month, but I have to consider the fact that you will not be there, and I will have to make a decision on what place in my life you will play from that point of time. I know God wishes the best for both of us. I believe that so strongly that this faith is the only thing that keeps me from rushing towards the light in the window which is the flame that will burn me up. The whole situation and my heart position in it is so different from usual. I cherish and treasure what Lord gave me through you, and I don't want to ruin it. I'm scared. Scared that I will not make it through disappointment. I wish I could audibly hear your "It's OK. Everything is fine" which used to calm me instantly. This time I would let you to hug me, and would soak in the smell of your body, and would hug you back. I just need to accept the possibility that it will not be according to my will. But it is so scary. I am afraid to let you go from my mind and stay with that void in that part of my thoughts. I'm afraid that I will fill that void with some one lesser than you. I bet you didn't expect to be that influential on someone's life:) But I have to say that you are the only (human) person to whom I can say with assurance: "I love you." And my question is, "Who are you to have so much power on my life?" just because it's so hard to believe what I feel and say about you. Sometimes I regret that I didn't answer your touch and your look, but I know God knew what He was doing by letting us to meet in one of the most unexpected places in the world. At this point I will say, "I will love you and leave you." Goodbye and all the best!