New doors

Today I saw new doors right in front of me. I tried not to look at them, not to notice, but they were there, and were not to move anywhere except for getting behind my back when I open them and go through them... I hesitated, I bursted into tears because it was so scary. I mean, ain't you supposed to be happy with the new calling? I was not happy, I wanted to draw back, and say, "No, Lord, this is too much for me. I don't think I can do that. It's not for me. Maybe you should look for someone else." All this stuff was going through my mind, and all around one thought that was not a doubtful one, but very clear. Did you ever had the kind of moments when you know the truth, but simply you are trying to avoid accepting it? Or when you know where you have to go and what you have to do, but you are focusing on a lot of other stuff just not to do what you are supposed to do, making various kind of excuses, etc.? And you are doing this only because YOU think you are not able to do, or you are weak or else. For me, the most incredible thing about God putting gifts and callings in our life is that He thinks I am the one who is capable to do the appointed task. I have to admit that the moment of today when I saw the doors and understood that I will have to enter through it was sooooo stressful! It's like when you are asked to enter the unknown. It's realy scary. You always want to escape the uncomfortable situations, and just live freely and without any big interruptions. But this is not the life we were calle to be on this planet Earth. We are to be interrupted by God at any time of the day or night. Recently, I shared with my friend that I feel like God is guiding me through the labirinth, and that I have lost any understanding of which way to go, and the only thing left is just to focus on God and go after Him. Some time later in my paper diary I wrote that Lord is opening a new door for my ministry, new spheres of impact. When I think about all the stuff that is happening recently in my life, I find it so BIG, so OVERWHELMING. I want to scream to the Lord that I cannot manage that, but today He showed once again: IT IS NOT FOR ME TO MANAGE. I have to do my part. It is not me doing the salvation job, it Him. He knows I cannot do all things. If I could I wouldn't need my brothers and sisters in Christ. HE, GOD, knows that I can do what He is appointing me to do. On the other hand, I have to be prepared, we, Christians, have to be prepared to enter big plans of God. He is not doing a small talk. He is doing the big stuff, He is messing the mind of the wise and powerful, He is lifting the heads of the desperate in the ways that are far beyond our understanding. At some point, we don't need to understand - we need to obey and trust. And today, nevertheless I was freaking out about what things and relationships I would have to let go, I have chosen to open the doors and welcome the unknown; and that was done with feeling weak and uncertain, and vulnerable. I have the only weapon in my life - my faith in the faithful and loving God who has already shown me that I can trust Him in all matters in my life. My prayer is for strength and open eyes...