Escaping reality

It is always easy to dream about near or far away future... It is quite easy to imagine how things should be. It is much more difficult to start working for these things to happen. Things start at the bottom if we want to built somewhere up. Now it sounds like Christine Caine saying that when we know the blueprint it is necessary to start digging the dirt to start the building... You don't built 20th floor of the building and then go down with the building process. It sounds quite absurd especially when you know that we have the law of gravitation here on planet Earth... Sometimes people escape reality by daydreaming... Today, I feel I am one of them... even this writing here not in my own language... Sometimes I feel more secure with English. It's like talking about different person, not about myself... And at some point, it's like making sure that people who know you in your own country won't know these things about you. You might never meet people who will read this:) And that what makes internet quite a secure place to hide yourself in a crowd... Sometimes it is scary to face reality of self, to face the real situation you are at... There was time when not doing nothing was a shame for me. At the moment I am doing nothing (I mean, I am not working), but the situation is different in this aspect: I am trying to look fine and pretenting that it is a perfect time to "look for God". It's such a lie!!! And taking into account the fact that God knows everything about me - every thought, move, feeling - I am lying to myself. I am just trying look cool... And actually, I am looking miserable... inside... I hear the words from the letter to the Church of Laodicea in the book of Revelation: "You say, 'I'm rich. I have everything I want. I don't need a thing!' And you don't realise that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked." (Rev 3:17) Well, I am beginning to realise my nakedness now, and it's really uncomfortable for me to see these things... God is stopping me now, and if I won't do this, He will try to stop me next time,and it can be much painful than it is now. Sometimes I feel as if I am trying to implement the prophesy myself... It is so difficult to acknowledge that I need only to live having in mind God's commands, and He will do things that needs to be done. Sin was saying to God, "I want to live in my own way". What is "my own"? You and me, we even didn't create ourselves. How, on earth, can we know what is our way? Well, at some point I would say that now I know what is my way - it is God's way:) What is God's way? Good question:) Can you trust Him and follow His instructions without questioning? Or questioning Him is just a form of trying to avoid responsibility to do what is appointed to you, a form of rebellion?...