An Eye Opener

I'm not a good person, no matter how much I try to look like one.
I'm rotten inside in my pride and self-indulging thoughts.
I'm making excuses for my choices not to act according to God's will, not to live out what I preach.
I proscrastinate.
I'm angry on others when I fail in something.
I'm boastfull.
I like when others patronize me though I deny it and try to look like I don't care. But it is pleasant anyway.
I'm scared of bad reputation.
It matters to me how I look in public and what others think of me. I want them to agree on me on everything. That is why I sometimes compromise my values.
I'm a hypocrite.
On the other hand, I am truly honest when I worship and sing for God. It's, however, in many cases only words which I forget after the church... I don't want to see people or talk to them because they irritate me with their flaws, and I feel like I'm brought back to my ugly me...
Looking at all this list, which could continue, I'm starting to hate myself, and I'm asking God how can He help me in this condition and why would He want to do this. I'm really nothing, I'm acting in so many cases that I forget who I really am. I am tired of myself, and it seems that everyone else is also... And then I don't want to leave my room because in other people I see my ugliness.
Yet, He says He loves me, and died for me on the cross, and came back to life so that I could live a new life. I thought I was living one already for  more than 10 years, but today more than ever I understand that my understanding of that new life was veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery narrow. And it's hard because you have to face the fact that the righteousness you thought you had is just rags that you are wearing... Going to bed with really heavy heart.