Terra Incognita

When I think about it, almost a year passed since I actively wrote something here... And what brings me back is something I cannot understand. I have to say, I don't know what stopped me from sharing my thoughts here either. There times when something dies in you, and you know that there has to be another path you have to start walking, and for some time you stand on the crossroad asking yourself and most probably God where to turn. I don't know how we loose our path, but it just happens. Sometimes you get tired of being watchful...
But here I am again. Started walking the path which I was not looking for and have no idea where it leads. The only thing I hear is, "Be still and trust me". It's the still small voice of the Holy Spirit. How do I know? It calls me to trust no one and nothing else but the promise of God made through the cross where Jesus died for my transgressions. The promise of becoming a child of a loving, caring Dad, who has plans for my well-being. Maybe not in this world, but with the hope of having one for eternity. On the other hand, I really believe that God wants to bless us in this life as well; He just don't wat us to believe that this life is all we have. With these thoughts, I'm trusting Him to clarify the situation I am in now... The situation of my heart. I want to believe that every woman on this planet earth wants to be loved and to give love. I'm not an exception. And we strive to have relationship where we would experience at least a little bit of the fairy-tale we long to be real in our life. Terra incognita for me is that I'm willingly giving my story with a man into God's hands, stepping back a bit and waiting for him, the man, to make his decision without my intrusion. My flesh goes against it with all that it has, but Christ said that we have to kill fleshy desires with the Spirit. And so I am willing to do. My spirit, my heart wants to wait, my flesh wants to flirt and attract. It's a battle and I have no idea what is waiting for me on the other side of this stormy sea. But I have resolved in my heart to wait upon the Lord, and may He help me through it.