The Best of the best

I keep asking God why I still have some of the difficulties, why the same things hurt me over and over thought it seems that my walk with God is going quite smoothly... Our human hearts sometimes are so deeply hurt that it is hard to bear the pain that surfaces so suddenly. It seems that you have just overcame one battle, and you want to catch your breath back, and sit peacefully for some time, but... Another battle is starting to show its signs... It's like a number of sharp arrows hit your body from different sides, and the only thing you want to do is fall down and give up, flow with the crowd. Sometimes I'm asking myself what keeps me getting up and moving on, resisting the flow? My answer is, "I don't want to fall into darkness". Every time I'm thinking that I can't take any more, I can feel its breath into my face, that creepy feeling of horror that the old nightmares are coming back and planning to take back what was once theirs. I know that in the Land of Light and Joy, there is no darkness, and God will not allow any of it to come and destroy His kingdom. So, nothing which has any dark spot will ever slip through the gates. Somehow I remember the parable about the invitation to the wedding... I need to be in a wedding dress. It's not about the fear of going to hell. Some people think they might get through with that. No way... It's all about love. You can do anything for the one you love. And if you love LOVE, then it's double power in you.

I love God who is LOVE. I love God who is COMPASSION. I love God who GAVE HIS LIFE FOR ME to be free. I just love being in His presence, I love to feel that He is near and always there for me. I love to know that I'm never alone with my own pain or hurt. I know, and I love to know that, that He is always there to provide help and good advise. The breath of death makes the breath of life more vivid, more desirable, more motivating. Especially when you know that it's abundant life. On the other hand, sometimes I feel that the breath of freedom, of a free life is somewhat scary... We got used to live in prison, in slavery, and that's the reason why we don't know how to use the freedom we get in God. We forgot it's taste, we forgot how it smells, we forgot how it feels to be completely free. And we have to learn to do freedom anew.. It takes time, it takes efforts, and sometimes it takes going the painful road which you would rather choose not to go. Not to reveal even to yourself those painful experiences, those painful feelings, those hard attempts to have a better life... without God. Today I'm thankful to God for not giving up on me, for believing in me, for getting me out of my own mess... I'm thankful that He could throw away the garbage that I thought to be gold or very important part of my life. He is the most important thing, person in my life. He is my life, my breath of freedom in which I have to learn to live. I am strong though I am weak, but my strength lies not in my own strength, knowledge, and gifting. My strength, my freedom lies in Him - God who loved me so much that He gave His only Son to clean up the mess in my life. He is the best of the best of the best:)