Sometimes I am asking myself, how come so many things supporting one main theme can come together. Sometimes it looks like someone wants to persuade me into choosing particular path, into some way of thinking or lifestyle, or job or whatever... I'm quite self-conscious, I mean, I think and analyze my feelings, decisions, arguments to be sure that I am not driven only by my emotions. Sometimes emotions are good:) But even in this field I am trying to be objective, even about myself. Sometimes it's the hell, because there are certain things in all of our lives that we want to be sure we choose the right thing. Otherwise, we know, that it would be a crush-down for us, a disaster. One of these things is finding your life-mate:) Another thing is about what you do in your life. Some people don't make such a fuss out of it. They have their profession, and they are happy to work in that field. Others are full of ideas in their heads, and running around with thousands of task to do. And I'm sure that there are some other sorts, I haven't investigated this phenomenon:) It seemed I knew what I want to do. I would dive into psychology, and might have become an average psyche-diver:) But then I met God. I got to know Him, and He taught me how think wider, and that "ruined" everything... I put "ruined" in quotation-marks because actually He put everything in order, just it is not recognizable for me. In 5 years, I got to understand that He knows me better than I do. One day, not so long ago, He asked me one question:
"Did you created yourself?"
Aaaah, nope... - I answered.
"So how can you know what is the best for you? You decide about this according to what other people choose, according to what you like or dislike, according to what you think you are capable of, according to what is popular and what the market offers. But neither market, not people, nor this society has created you? How can they know what you have to do? It is decided only by tradition, customs, etc. But it is not necessarily what I have planned for these people."
That made me think. People ask what is their purpose in this life. And it was like the light from heaven - their purpose is to live in agreement with God who has created all of us for different works through which glory goes to God. Many people don't like this thought. They want to glorify themselves. But I am not going too deep into it now... Recent 7 months have been a field of research, learning, anxiety, doubts, trials, etc. I was trying to understand why I was told (by God) that I am leaving that job. I was trying to work out different ideas, was looking for another job, and nothing. And then, in the midst of all this thinking and attempts to understand what's going on, one very persistent feeling was coming to the surface more and more each day - full time ministry. I asked God what I am to do, and got verses from the Bible... I wrote in some of my earlier posts about not wanting to accept what God is speaking, when you say: "Are you sure? I don't think so. It's not for me. Maybe I understood it not in a right way", etc. This was the time when, I would say, I didn't wanted to understand, when I didn't want to hear His answer. I remember the doors I entered a while ago... I was crying. I was was so scared. After a while God lead me to one person, and she encouraged me to go for it. On another day after we spoke, I went to church, and the word for that Sunday was about the calling. I was chuckling inside. I couldn't believe that it is actually happening. He, God, is trying to say something and quite clearly. Will I listen? If you remember, I wrote in the beginning that I try not to lean on my emotions when I make a decision. So, I tried to analyze the whole situation objectively... I couldn't find contra-arguments. I mean, I was saying all this stuff "I can't", "I don't know how to do it", "I will not be able", bla bla bla... I was afraid, and I have to say that I still am at some point, but... I love what Benny Hin wrote in his book "He Touched Me" as Lord's answer to this kind of arguments. God answered to His saying "Lord, I can't do this", "Good, then I will able to work". Maybe the quote is not completely the same, but the thought is that His power is in our weaknesses. That what apostal Paul was writing about. So... I am in labyrinth. I have no idea where the exit is, but I have the One who is leading me to it. The only thing I have to do - to trust Him. And I know He is the trustworthy. He already proved that to me. The question is - am I to trust His faithfulness shown?
"Did you created yourself?"
Aaaah, nope... - I answered.
"So how can you know what is the best for you? You decide about this according to what other people choose, according to what you like or dislike, according to what you think you are capable of, according to what is popular and what the market offers. But neither market, not people, nor this society has created you? How can they know what you have to do? It is decided only by tradition, customs, etc. But it is not necessarily what I have planned for these people."
That made me think. People ask what is their purpose in this life. And it was like the light from heaven - their purpose is to live in agreement with God who has created all of us for different works through which glory goes to God. Many people don't like this thought. They want to glorify themselves. But I am not going too deep into it now... Recent 7 months have been a field of research, learning, anxiety, doubts, trials, etc. I was trying to understand why I was told (by God) that I am leaving that job. I was trying to work out different ideas, was looking for another job, and nothing. And then, in the midst of all this thinking and attempts to understand what's going on, one very persistent feeling was coming to the surface more and more each day - full time ministry. I asked God what I am to do, and got verses from the Bible... I wrote in some of my earlier posts about not wanting to accept what God is speaking, when you say: "Are you sure? I don't think so. It's not for me. Maybe I understood it not in a right way", etc. This was the time when, I would say, I didn't wanted to understand, when I didn't want to hear His answer. I remember the doors I entered a while ago... I was crying. I was was so scared. After a while God lead me to one person, and she encouraged me to go for it. On another day after we spoke, I went to church, and the word for that Sunday was about the calling. I was chuckling inside. I couldn't believe that it is actually happening. He, God, is trying to say something and quite clearly. Will I listen? If you remember, I wrote in the beginning that I try not to lean on my emotions when I make a decision. So, I tried to analyze the whole situation objectively... I couldn't find contra-arguments. I mean, I was saying all this stuff "I can't", "I don't know how to do it", "I will not be able", bla bla bla... I was afraid, and I have to say that I still am at some point, but... I love what Benny Hin wrote in his book "He Touched Me" as Lord's answer to this kind of arguments. God answered to His saying "Lord, I can't do this", "Good, then I will able to work". Maybe the quote is not completely the same, but the thought is that His power is in our weaknesses. That what apostal Paul was writing about. So... I am in labyrinth. I have no idea where the exit is, but I have the One who is leading me to it. The only thing I have to do - to trust Him. And I know He is the trustworthy. He already proved that to me. The question is - am I to trust His faithfulness shown?
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