Heart in battle field

I know that this will pass -
the pain, the loss, the sadness.
I know You'll carry it away with grace
that overcomes it all.
I know You'll come,
I know my soul will find a rest in You.
I know You're here already
looking after me and caring.
I know You love,
I know You want to wipe my tears away.
Then...
why it is so hard to live in this?

Sometimes the only thing you are left with is faith... It is kind of obvious that this should be the main thing, the most important thing, and yo should rejoice in it.
Sometimes I would just like to shut my eyes up and not see, to plug up my ears and not to hear, to lock my heart and not to feel... Kind of depressive feelings after this wonderful celebration of Jesus' birthday... I am happy that He was born, that He faced all the human things I'm going through even though He was a man:) I am happy and really thankful for His death on the cross, and enormously grateful for resurrection in which all my hope for seeing His face and meeting my Dad and Creator one day lies. This is true. And it is also true that I get into such a difficult life period when I think I cannot make it anymore... I'm letting so many things that it seems that I'm left with nothing... God is leaving me only with one thing - His presence. It is precious and the most dear thing. I know so well that it is the dearest thing ever, and nothing compares to it. But on the other hand, it is so difficult to let go things that you are used to, that makes you feel safe, that you are familiar with and you know how it works. It's because I am human, and I still have an old nature in my bones. No one said it is gonna be easy if you really go after Christ, but still everyone expects that. I expect that, and I guess this makes the battle more difficult to fight...